☆ mercurial musings ☆



3.11.23
today feels so long and it’s only 11:26 in the morning

the good things I said to myself yesterday about who I am still feel true today. that’s how it should be, no? the only thing that should be able to shift my self concept is me. at least that’s what I think. it’s nice when other people affirm certain things but even when they don’t, it’s ok.

I hope you feel good things about yourself, things that can’t be shaken or muddied by projection, and I hope that if those things ever stop feeling true, you give yourself the grace to rediscover.


3.18.23
thinking incessantly about the interlude on Yves Tumor’s “Echolalia”

‘So, it's like a circle, and I don't want anybody to depend on me. If you say you love me and you, like, your happiness only depends on me, it might not be true love. Maybe it's something you need and you want, but you think it's love, it's not love’

for a while, what other people called love just seemed to be an excruciatingly long and unbearable game of “who can depend on the other more?” or “who can suffer for the other the most?” why is how much a person is willing to shrink themselves or bend to the will of another such a universal measure for love? I don’t want anybody to depend on me to be happy or fulfilled. maybe I’m just
jaded, I’ll report back later.
11.20.23
VALUES

What are your values?

Mine are:

  • Individuality + autonomy
  • Honesty
  • Intention
  • Spirituality + faith
  • Leisure + rest
  • Support

Reinforcement qualities of my values (what enforces you to move in alignment with them)

Ex: Support - Intrinsic reward of feeling connnected with others and a part of something greater than myself.

“Uncertainty is empowering because it offers a margin of maneuverability.”

2024 Objective:
Locate + broaden my margin for imminent gratifying choices. Figure out how to spend more time in spaces I’m afraid of + how to hone the skills to go places I haven’t gone before.

"fixation on outcome over process" 👎🏾

4 Categories of Behavior (Inventory)

  • Avoidance - helps you avoid negative emotions
  • STPR - short term positive reinforcement
  • Pliance - doing something bc you think you should



  • Intrinsic positive reinforcement - a sense of vitality from living in accordance with values


Values are often conditioned and tainted by social conditions and external rigid ideas about ourselves - it’s important to experiment with many moves and gather experience in order to be able to discriminate against vital and non vital values.
06.29.24
TWENTY SEVEN — MSGS FRM HEAVEN

HBD2ME <3

What do we want?

Idk. more money. more love. maybe a baby, or two 😫

I may need to leave my current job. I need to focus more on my own creative pursuits, as well as those of my family and friends. I need a change of scenery. I need to pick a place to settle. I need a new therapist. I need to learn how to forgive.

If we could be doing anything with our time and energy, what would it be?

I would be making music and short films and clothes and objects. I need to get into that. Popping my OWN shi - type shi.
09.21.24
I kinda feel like fantasy and fiction are relative only to the dimension or consciousness of the being

They don’t seem all that ficticious to me

If you ask me, everything an artist or writer illustrates is an iteration or depiction of a scene from another world or timeline that they’ve been able to tap into on one way or another. Dreams are also often memories of said worlds and timlines that have jumped portals, bodies, borders, and subconsciouses.

does this make sense?